Ahh the amazing sights and sounds of being on Holiday.

Picture the scene.

You're walking along the seafront, somewhere abroad, perhaps southern Spain.

The sun is just setting over the clear blue sea.

Yachts are bobbling lightly as the gentle sea waves ripple their way up to the soft, fine, golden sands.

The promenade is lined with palaces of gastronomic delight. The subtle waft of varying, fresh Mediterranean cuisine filling the air.

The chink of glass upon glass as the multitudinous evening repasts are toasted with a nice Rioja or perhaps a chilled Sangria.

Lovers look into each others eyes maybe blushing slightly and lowering their eyes as a compliment is made.

Olive skinned children sit quietly and enjoy the flavours of the food unconcerned by the colour or texture of the morsels they load into their smiling mouths.

Soft music also fills the air, perhaps something local, maybe a guy playing a guitar while a girl dances an alluring and exotic Flamenco.

Can it get any better than this? Really !!!

Oh yes because you can experience the "GREAT British Seaside"............

You're walking along the seafront, somewhere in the UK, perhaps Great Yarmouth.

The sun is barely visible as in sinks it's way behind the dark, thundery clouds and into the cold, Greenish/Brown and uncompromising North Sea.

Oil Tankers meander their way across the horizon being battered by the harsh, frantic waves that pound upon the stoney, dog s**t covered, cigarette butt, fly-tipped sand.

The promenade is festooned with outlets offering various deep fried objects and the air is filled with wafts of hot boiling cooking oil, vinegar and the odd waft of fresh horse s**t direct from the back ends of the knackeryard nags that drag poorly maintained carriages up and down so that poorly maintained people don't have to walk to the next doughnut emporium.

The chink of tin upon concrete as the next can of cheap, super strength lager or cider topples out the overfilled bin.

Lovers, when not shouting at each other, can only look into one of each other eyes as the other two are pointing in completely opposite directions.

Pasty skinned children wail as they shovel in copious amounts of hydrogenated fat into their already far to obese bodies and of course when ordering they we're explicit in making sure that nothing green accompanied their feast.

Cheesey Euro pop is being banged out of the grotty looking, shellsuit populated amusement arcades where you actually only find amusement in the elaborate exteriors that try to convince the great unwashed that they have somehow been magically tele-ported to Las Vegas (Caesers Palace my arse)

So there you go, only one winner there for me.......UK all the way :-)

With that in mind here is my recipe of the day.

1. Get some stuff! usually Fish but basically anything will work from Sausages to Chicken to Shoes and perhaps Books !!!

2. Cover it in batter and deep fry it until it's really crisp around the edges and soggy in the middle (Sogginess may not apply to books, particularly hard backs). Keep warm under bright halogen lamps (TIP - it's best to use oil that been constantly used for about 2 weeks without being changed)

3. Chips - Nothing else will do....Naturally these must have been deep fried.

4. Pile deep fried item number two into a polystyrene container and top with deep fried item number one.

5. Cover liberally with salt which was sourced from at least 4,000 miles from the very seafront you are on and drown in cheap malt vinegar.

6. ..............ENJOY.

7. Die young.