Howdy.....

Good morning one and all. Hope you all had a top weekend. I did well by only going out once and the rest of it was spent on the sofa watching all kinds of wonderful documentary's on TV.

This week I only have one goal and that is to have a Sausage, Egg and Bacon Baguette from the sandwich lady each morning.

I also have an urge to cook something with fish for tea tonight. Sea Bass is currently in season in the UK so should be readily available and at a good price too.

Might do this with some chorizo and maybe a nice fennel salad but we shall see, perhaps something else will tickle my fancy whilst meandering around the shops.

And while on an equatic vibe I've been watching a lot of the Blighty channel on virgin media and yesterday they did a whole day of "Griff Rhys-Jones on Rivers" which made fantastic Sunday viewing. I have to say I'm not a great fan of the social aspect of this once great nation but I do absolutely love it's waterways and the scenery that lines them.

I can't exactly say that I grew up on rivers but I've always kind of been around them as my dad has been working with boats probably since I was the age of about 7 I guess. We used to spend some of the summer holidays with him and I'd be constantly be tagging along with him to the marinas where he worked either messing around in a dinghy or spending all day at the rivers edge fishing.

In my early teens I joined the Sea Cadets down at Croxley Green. TS Renown it's called and I had such great fun there. I even got to spend a whole week living as a member of the Royal Navy's Fleet Air Arm down at HMS Yeovilton which used to be the home base for the now defunkt Sea Harrier aircraft and also the Navy's fleet of Sea King helicopters.

It was so exciting to be there on base amongst real servicemen. We did virtually everything they did too from morning drills to grabbing a cup of tea from the NAAFI, of course should war have broken out whilst we were there I'm sure they would have rather we just buggered off out the way but thankfully that didn't happen.

I'd urge all parents to get their kids involved in things like this, not only does it build confidence it also teaches kids all the things that are sadly lacking today - Manners, self respect, humilty etc etc.

From Yeovilton I went straight on down to Portsmouth naval base where I met up with another group of lads and we spent the whole week coasting around the English channel in a Royal Navy fleet tender and I can tell you that got rough a few times but still it was brilliant. We stayed one night aboard am active Royal Navy Frigate as well as getting a tour of HMS Illustrious even playing a game of football on the aircraft carriers flight deck.

Check out that beauty -



I did seriously consider a career in the Navy but then the reality of war and the fact that people might want to hurt me took over and I decided that terra ferma was the place my feet needed to be.

Sounds a bit funny but one thing I really remember about travelling to and from these places was the train journeys. I was only a young lad and just getting on these big trains all by myself and going off to places that I've never heard of was thrilling. It was like the Hogwarts express for me.

One of the best things about our Sea Cadet hut in Croxley Green was that it backed onto the Grand Union Canal. This mean't that when the weather was not unbearable we could spend hours upon hours kayaking up and down the water and I've really always wanted to do that again.

Another thing I did while younger was to take a restored canal boat from Bath up to Reading with a bunch of guys from the YMCA (no there wasn't a Cowboy, Construction worker and Policeman involved) it took us a week to do the journey, we could easily have done it quicker but it was just so nice taking it slow and taking in all the wonderful sights and sounds. Mind you there was odd element of hard graft, especially tackling the Caen Hill locks at Devizes which itself took a full day to do.



So anyway because of all this I've decided that I might very well just go and buy myself a kayak all of my own or maybe a two man canoe if I can find a paddle buddy and just spend some weekends taking to the British waterways with tent and camping gear to have a little explore.

I really want to retake the journey from Bath to Reading as well as maybe kayaking from the source of the Thames right down to London. I'd certainly want to be with the current and not against it, this isn't for health reasons you know !!!

Well that's me and my thought today. Enjoy the rest of your Mondays...toodlepip xx

Sven again...

Three seems to be the magic number this year. Three times I shall potentially be seeing the wonderful German nutbag Sven Vath performing is skills upon the wheels of steel and in three different countries.

First up should be the Future Music Festival in Melbourne, Australia. This is the day after my buddies stag party so I'm playing that Sven is on pretty late so that I have time to lose the inevitable hangover. I still would prefer it was light so perhaps about 6pm would be ideal if you are reading this Sven....(I know you are)

Second up most likely be at Amnesia in Ibiza, probably around May or June. I'm undecided as to whether it'd be good to go to the closing party again this year as per 2009 or to go earlier and finish my summer as I did last year at Cocoon in the Park in Leeds. That was such a great way to finish off the summer so I'm certainly more drawn to that rota.

Last year at CITP I managed somehow to co-incide my wardrobe with the star of the show which was the cause of some amazement by fellow revellers so I'll have to do my research and try and get it matched again.

By the way, I know it's very difficult to tell but I'm the one in the second picture......We're soooo alike..








Seperated at birth wouldn't you say ?!?!? Albeit by a few years, different countries and quite obviously different parents, minor details....

One piece of news that was brought to my attention yesterday was that of a guy in the UK who has been convicted of indecent exposure. Now I would in no way encourage this kind of behaviour.............normally....however..

This guy, rather the worse for wear after a few ales walked into a McDonalds, proceeded to put his tallywacker on the counter then asked the cashier if he could "Go large on this one".

Imagine if you had to interview this guy for a job?

"I see you have a criminal conviction. Would you mind elaborating on this?"............."Indecent exposure you say and what we're the circumstances in which you found yourself doing this?".............."Pardon".........."And you said what?"..............."REALLY !!!"............"Oh my word you have nailed this job, welcome aboard."

This next new item is just funny on many levels and seeing as this blog has a kind of crazy German theme I just had to put it in. I find what the guy did quite disturbing but even more disturbing is the fact that he did it for a Mini !!! Not really saying much about his manhood, actually who am I kidding? I'd do it for a Lamborghini Murciélago LP 670-4 SuperVeloce - double spacing too.

Gotta love crazy tattoos. I mean I'm not a big fan of them myself and I'd never get one done unless it was something significant. For instance I knew of a guy who had a rare blood group and he had this tattooed on his wrist, very handy if in an accident or otherwise unconscious but that would be my limit.

These ones though..............brilliant for all the wrong reasons -

Actually this guy looks more like Sven....




The worst tattooed man in the world.




Look at the guys face behind him, even he can't believe it.




Judge Judy.....




Quiet clearly you mug....




toooooooodlepip xxx

Busy times...

As the title suggests I've been a little bit busy over the last few days hence my lack of blogging activity but I'm not going to complain about that because everything has been on a bit too much of a go slow since the new year and if you know me then you'll know that I'm not one for being idle. I'd much rather be running around here and there making myself useful......or just getting in the way sometimes, if you prefer to call it that.

So because of this I have a few topics to ramble on about but I'll only concentrate on one of those this morning and that one is "-ist's".

They say that within us all there are certain prejudices and these are more often than not suffixed with "-ist" and I was trying to work out (if this assuming behavioural trait were true) what my "-ist" would be.

I certainly have no prejudices towards people because of their race, sex, sexual orientation, ethnic background so already quite a few "-ist's" are out there but I do have a problem with lazy, uncivilised and boorish people so is there and "-ist" for that?

Of course these burdens to society who offer absolutely zero value to human existence and who's sole purpose in life seems just to be to infect the gene pool can come from any number of the global demographics so maybe these kind of people are a result of natural selection in reverse.

Charles Darwin's evolutionist theory of natural selection suggests that all species of life have descended from one common ancestry and that through evolution had branched out into all the many billions of life forms in our world today.

The idea that each progression adapts to it's surroundings in order to survive the longest doesn't seem to apply here because far from being a forward step in evolution these people seem to be taking a step backwards.

Maybe it's a question of Eugenics. This theory suggests that both mental and moral traits can be inherited but even in recent generations of my own family there are one or two significant gaps in human behaviour so as much as I agree undoubtedly that Eugenics as a theory is absolutely spot on it doesn't go far enough to explain the bad apples or indeed the good eggs.

I'm utterly convinced that education plays no part either because even the most numb skulled and dopey amongst us can be some of the nicest people you could ever imagine to be around.

But I've diversified there and how it is these people come about is a completely different debate and one which should not be theorised here in a blog.......The time and the place for that is most certainly when you are out with like minded buddies and only after several ales (other mind altering alcoholic drinks or indeed substances are available.....although not advocated by the author)

So what is my "ist"?

Well I don't like Lazy, uncivilised and boorish people........

My word I'm "Labourist"

How bizarre that it would come out as that :-D

Toodlepipions xx

Weekend post....

Against usual form I thought I'd do a Saturday blog seeing as I missed out on doing one yesterday, apologies for that. I'm guessing that some of you felt that a little piece of your life went a miss for not knowing or reading my next ramble.

So I was going to be heading to Oxford this morning to take in some culture and maybe a few local ales but in the end that didn't happen as my travel buddy wasn't too well. Instead I've bunged on the PS3 and I am cracking with a bit if Gran Turismo 5 because I've noticed that my buddies are catching me up and we just can't have that!

Seeing that I have a few chums with birthdays this weekend I thought I'd scan the t'interweb to find some pictures and of people having a good time......well I suppose people who started off having a good time but ended up completely smashed and making absolute fools of themselves.

Check out these smash heads.....











And finally I feel I just have to add this one -



I'd imagine this photo was only possible because my buddy Jo was keeping my upright......of course the fact that she's so pretty makes me look even worse....I'd actually only had a couple !!!

Toodlepip xxx

Chuckle...

This made me laugh this morning. One of the funniest blog posts I've read for a while, I think this is what blogging was invented for.

In my search to find amusing content I've been looking at the wonderful Facebook parody that is Lamebook. It's a whole website dedicated to all that's wrong with the social networking medium that some of us call home.

Actually I think that Facebook are in the process of suing Lamebook so here's hoping that this blog doesn't get censored by all seeing eyes.

I have lots of personal rules and beliefs in life that I always try to follow to make myself a better person and to ensure that I treat people with respect even at times to people who don't deserve it. One of those beliefs is that no matter how you are feeling emotionally, no matter how depressed you are about your life there is always people out there in the world who are worse off that you be that emotionally, educationally, financially, physically and intellectually.

It's never right or nice to laugh at somebody else's misfortune but plain idiocy is just amusing.................as is watching drunk people fall over.

So here are a few things that have tickled me over the years.

------------------------

Jericho - was just thinking if God didn’t want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter…

Maybe that’s why the T-rex was always so angry

------------------------



------------------------



------------------------


Tomorrow I think I'll focus my attention on drunk people.....

Toodlepip

Morning peeps....

So what a wonderful way to start the day. Woken up by the little one nice and early after I'd promised her last night that if she went off to sleep nicely I'd take her to Sebastian's Café in Twyford for some breakfast.

It's quite funny when we have breakfast there because it's right on the way to school so we see some of her school buddies passing and they all look amazed and surprised to see that Emily is sat there with a cheese toasty, kiddiechino (frothy milk with marshmellows) and a great big grin.

Curry night was a success again, this time only two portions remained both of which I nabbed and are in the fridge at home. I realised quite soon that I'd made the flavour far too intense for a pub curry so had to send my better half off to get some more coconut milk to temper it down a bit. In the end it turned out pretty spectacular. I wanted to create something a little more complex than just a bog standard curry, that level of cooking was never likely to get many comments from the average bloke in the pub but a couple of people noticed that with each mouthful there was about three or four flavours that hit the palate at different times.

First off you got a nice taste of curried coconut then came a slight sweetness from the tamarind paste I'd used, after that you got a velvety butter flavour and texture followed finally by a hint of heat off the chilli that I'd roasted then ground.

It's amazing how people who confess to not liking spicy food manage to throw down bundles of the stuff once it's cooked well and has other flavours. I put a good few handfuls of dried chilli in there, probably about two peppers per serving but when it's offset with a bit of coconut cream, delicate spicing and a good dollop of natural yoghurt then it all becomes much more than just a hot curry.

Been keeping an eye on channel 4 and the exploits of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and his chums on their quest to stop the ridiculous EU fishing law which only allows fishing vessels in the north sea to bring back particular species of fish from their nets meaning that all other species caught, and by now are already dead, have to be thrown back in the sea. This accounts for between 40% & 60% of all catches which is just a tragic waste and does absolutely nothing to aid the sustainability of fish stocks.

You can read much more about it here at the website. Please do sign up and get this terrible piece of EU bureaucratic nonsense changed.

There are also catch up shows available on the channel 4 website (UK Only) which I urge you all to watch. I've watched a couple of the spin off programs (not entirely sure if that is the right way to describe them seeing as it's such a sensitive topic but I can't think of anything else) including the brilliant Fishy Feast with the amazing Heston Blumenthal. I simply cannot get enough of this guy, he's just a genius. I'm not however too enamoured by Gordon Ramsey as a personality but I really want to see the programme he made (well not him alone but you know what I mean) that highlights the horrors behind Sharks Fin soup, I'm told that it's really quite harrowing.

I'm guessing that those outside of the UK can get these programmes via You Tube etc and it's well worth a search to find them.

So with this ridiculous ruling from the numbskulls in Brussels I've found myself looking at other strange laws from around the globe and one that stuck out in particular took me back to a previous blog when I commented on the strange sudden death of blackbirds in the American Mid-west................There's quite a few strange ones from the US, mind you it's a big place with lots of strange people so there's bound to be isn't there?

So anyway......Apparently it's against the law to mispronounce the name of the State of Arkansas in that State!!

A few others from the USA -

Alaskan law says that you can't look at a moose from an aeroplane. (Damn sexy moose)

In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman is not to drive a car unless a man warns approaching motorists or pedestrians by walking in front of the car that is being driven. (Not sure if this is strange or just sensible...sorry ladies, cheap shot I know)

California law prohibits a woman from driving a car while dressed in a housecoat. (presumably this indicates that they have been away from the housework too long)

Some from the UK -

It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. (However it's a daily occurrence in the House of Lords)

A pregnant woman can legally urinate anywhere she wants, including if she requests, in a policeman's hat. (In Luton I think they can just do it anywhere whatever state they are in)

In Liverpool, it is illegal for saleswomen to be topless, but only in tropical fish stores. (Can't even think of a comment for this one)

In York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within its ancient city walls but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow. (This should be updated to a can of Strongbow)

From around the world -

In Australia, it is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar. (or a kleptomaniac chimney sweep)

In Toronto in Canada, it is illegal to drive a street car on a Sunday if you have been eating garlic. (Considering French is the 2nd language I'd imagine this is hard to police)

In France it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon. (but calling Nicolas Sarkozy a Gnome is fine)

In Israel, it is illegal to pick your nose on a Sunday. (On this day or any other infact you are quite entitled to pick any other country as your homeland.......JOKE OK!!)

In Iceland, it is illegal to blow on lampposts. (Sticking your tongue on them is much more fun kids)

In Hong Kong, a woman can kill her husband if he has cheated on her. She must use her bare hand though. This isn't a requirement for the man's lover, who can be killed by any means necessary. (beware the one handed Chinese woman)

In Samoa, it is illegal to forget your wife's birthday. (Tough task because you can have several there)

There are hundreds more...all very silly too but alas I must get on and do stuff.

Toodlepip...xxx

Done.....

Tax return for 2009/2010 completed....phew. Actually it's hardly a massive task considering I only DJ'd eleven times during that period and I was good at keeping all my tune purchase receipts. I spent over £500 of music in those 12 months which might seem a lot but to think if I'd have wanted to buy the equivalent amount of music on vinyl we'd be talking somewhere around the £3.5k mark.

I just wish I could of afforded to do that and of course been able to actually use them somewhere. Such is the rise of CD and electronic storage and indeed playback that you seldom see a working set of turntables in a club these days. They are normally reserved for use as drink holders and even if they are there they are not plugged in or have no cartridges or slipmatts.

Even the guru that is Sven Vath has admitted that he's having to start using CD's even more these days and increasingly so going forward. Obviously from his point of view that's not a financial decision but more a question of availability.

So moving on tonight is curry and a pint for £5 night at the Golden Cross in Twyford. This week I am preparing my very own recipe chicken curry. I spent yesterday evening in the kitchen roasting and grinding spices then making my own paste mix which I'll be mixing up with some onions, garlic, ginger and coconut milk. I honestly cannot even remember what I've put into the paste but I can tell you it's smelling really good and I expect it to be a rather unique flavour with a sweet and sour taste and a touch of heat.

Will be serving this up with just some plain boiled then fried rice and a quenelle of yogurt with some chives to decorate...should all look and taste very yummy.

Anyway must dash now as I have a quick wedding some to create before a spot of lunch....toodle pip xx

Good Monday.....

Hello world. Happy Monday to you all.

Had hardly any sleep at all this weekend which considering my intake of just 4 pints of beer and one after dinner Whiskey might seem somewhat of a head scratcher.

My only venture out was to DJ at Sakura (Reading) on Saturday night and that was really rather good as it was unexpectedly busy. I usually get there with plenty of time to spare before starting at the usual 9pm but even at 8:30pm it was getting busy, so much so that they had to open the VIP room to cater for the people who couldn't fit easily into the downstairs bar which is my Saturday night domain. First time that has happened when I've been working there.

Positive on that is that there are plenty of people up and dancing earlier but the downfall is that I didn't get out of there until 2:45am which left barely enough time to drive home and get the cricket on.

Great game that was too and Australia deserved to win, only drifted off to sleep a couple of times so managed to watch a good 95% of the action with my cricket buddy Holly the cat keeping me company.

Very tired on Sunday though but had a lovely day with my girls firstly at the park, following that a pub lunch then afterwards sofa cuddles and much needed sleep.

Got a busy start to the week with getting my paperwork sorted for my yearly tax return then later this evening getting the curry ready for Tuesday regular pub night. I thought last weeks effort although nice could do with some improvement and preparing it a day earlier should bring out more flavour from the sauce giving it more depth.

So onto news stories that have so far brightened up my "Blue Monday" hope they do it for you too -

Having dabbled with the odd silly name using deed pole myself (adding in Tarquin as a middle name) I found this amusing, not sure I'd go quite as far as the newly named Dr Pasty-Smasher Omelette.

OK not exactly a news story but it's certainly a bit funny. You've definitely gotta have balls to play this game -



Not sure I can top that one today but I'll keep looking....

Drunk Chicks......

Following on from the mystery that surrounded the mass deaths of Blackbirds in Arkansas, a story that that I linked too in a previous blog another story emerges about some poor Starlings this time that dropped out of the sky in town of Costanta in Romania.

Initial reports circled around the avian flu epidemic that struck the area a while back and there were fears that a new outbreak had occurred however autopsies revealed that not to be the case. So what happened to these lovely little birdies?........They got drunk!

They'd been feeding on grape residue that fermented inside their stomachs and effectively turned into wine and got them so smashed that they couldn't handle it and the all bit the big one, poor things.

Now me being me is wondering what they would taste like if you cooked and ate them.....is that wrong?

Maybe a bigger picture...how about we introduce small amounts of red wine into Duck feed? Surely over time they'd develop a tolerance and eventually you'd have lovely tasting Duck that even comes with it's own sauce.....could do the same with Orange juice too I suppose.

Anyway what does a drunken bird look like? This one had one too many fermented cherries............



Word of warning here...if you are easily offended do not under any circumstances google "Drunk Chicks"................some of them are very very funny though :-D

Cameo...

So I've just got back from Pinewood studios after completing a sound check on a rather good new film and although I'm not at all mystical or religious in any way the odd thing that just happens by coincidence does fill me with a little bit of joy.

I was thinking whilst driving through Slough and a miserable, wet and cold January day how nice it would be to be magically transported to one of my favourite places on earth, that being Bora Bora beach bar in Playa Den Bossa, Ibiza.

So about an hour or so into the film there is a nightclub scene and who's there making a cameo appearance in the role of "Club DJ"?....................Oliver Lang, resident DJ and all round legend of Bora Bora beach bar in Playa Den Bossa, Ibiza.

Spooky Huh? Incidentally one of the tunes he is playing in the club scene is one of his own remixes of Blue Monday by New Order but I cannot find it anywhere on the t'interweb....very good though and I definitely want a copy.

The film by the way is called "Unknown" which stars Liam Neeson and it's due for release in February (official release dates here)

Following on from my good buddy James' blog post about Tescos I thought I might add my tuppence worth but this time concerning Waitrose....

Firstly I like them, they are my number one choice of supermarket without question but I do have a couple of gripes with them. The first is that they try far too hard to be nice and secondly is that they put people under the age of 18 on the express counters.

Now you might think that I'm being a little grumpy and perhaps I am because when I do my shopping I want to get my stuff off the shelves, pay for it and leave, I don't want somebody asking me how my day has been or enquiring as to my weekend plans whilst I'm at it and that's just on the normal counters..!!!

I most definitely do not want some spotty 16 year old asking me these exact same questions on the express counters. Especially since I've invariably been held up in the queue for ages whilst they all get permission to serve the booze people want and the cigarettes that are only sold from the very counters that they work on because they are not bloomin old enough to serve them without approval of somebody older........(and breath)

You can't even put the kids onto the main counters either because imagine what it'd be like with the oldies on the express counters?!?! They'd be wanting to tell you about their grandchildren and how their cat got stuck up a tree in 1964 etc etc....you'd never get away.

So the simple answer to fix all this is to just stop trying to be so bloody nice.

Just serve people and let them go on their way. I hardly think that your average Waitrose shopper is going to bugger off to one of the other supermarkets just because he or she didn't form a lasting bond with a high school student or retired post worker when buying their basketful/trolleyful of vastly expensive but superior quality produce.

I'm not going to stop using them because of it but I do find myself hoping that I don't get served by certain people in the express queue because I know I'm going to get asked the same generic questions. Half these people I wouldn't chat to if I was drunk in a pub let alone in a supermarket stone cold sober and gasping for a ciggie.

That's it..........rant over :-)

Sicky.....

Pretty sure what was making me feel under the weather on Monday in fact it was obviously the stupid amounts of drinking that went on on Sunday, that's not in dispute.

Following that though I've been feeling really yucky over the last couple of days and I'm not sure why that is, hopefully it'll pass over soon, luckily we're not too busy at work and I only have Sakura booked for this Saturday so nothing really suffering for it except for myself and perhaps a little grumpiness at home.

No real news stories that are giving me belly laughs with perhaps the exception of that idiot student who lobbed a fire extinguisher of a roof during the protests in London, shame they didn't bang up a few more of the whinging gits.

Heidi the crosseyed possum from Germany is quite a cute little thing, I know few people who look like this at the weekend -



You just have to love this story too. Personally I think they should carry on, no doubt one of them will get seriously hurt one day but they know that and at least they are trying to do some good in this world. Absolute fruitcakes !!!

That's about it at the moment....may blog again later if I feel a bit better and more inspired.

Well excuse me!!

OK excuse me for just being a little sentimental, it's unlike me but it's around this time of year when I feel I have to and because I really want to as well.

It's been almost 3 years to the day that I had my little brainiac incident and although I tend to forget about it I do have people remind me and when they do I feel slightly ashamed that I can't bring myself to spend the time to thank all the people who help me through it. It's not that I'm not grateful I'm just one of those people that erases bad memories......apologies for that.

It's all very well and good me thanking the marvellous people a the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford. Professor Byrne and his team of doctors and nurses are amazing and did everything they could to ensure firstly that I'm still here and secondly that I made a full recovery.

I cannot however forget the people that saved my life and that was Jane, her dad Roy and Rebecca. As miraculous as it was that the folks at the hospital sorted me out I probably wouldn't even had made it that far if it wasn't for these guys and forgetting everything else I truly owe them my life and I will never forget it.

Other things stick out too. The fantastic support I got from my work, my buddies coming to visit me at the Royal Berks, the old boy in the bed opposite and his stories about Abbingdon, welsh Zoe coming to visit, the bloke in the bed next to me at the Royal Berks who thought he was at home and kept calling for his wife "Maaaaaauuuuurrreeeen", my Indian nurse at the John Radcliffe who apologised unreservedly every time he had to wake me up in the night to take my 2 hourly medication, my day nurse at the time whom I swear to this day is an actual angel, the very very very very camp nurse who "prepped my groin" before the operation "oooooooooooooooooooh" he said.

Of course all of my dearest friends and family that were quite obviously worried but because of them I knew I'd be OK.

So that's that....Thankyou all and I'll write all this again next year :-)

xxx

Tedium of the week..

Well I don't know about you folks but the first week of 2011 has gone so slowly. At work I have had only a handful of things to do all week and I think I have quite small hands. I got excited a minute ago because it looked like I might have something to do but alas not...files got sent to Italy instead of here.

However the weekend beckons and I like many other will be looking at my bank balance thinking "Does Christmas really have to exist at all?"

But enough of the doom and gloom. I didn't decide to write this blog with the intention of bringing everybody down so lets get so positive vibes going on. What is there to be spiffingly happy about?

Obviously a 3-1 Ashes victory in the Ashes is right up there, first time in 24 years that England have triumphed on Australian soil and the manner of the victory is something to behold, all 3 victories won by an innings. Fair enough this may very well be the worst Australian test cricket team for a generation or more but take no gloss of a wonderful and consistent performance from the England team. (Notice I didn't use the term English)

I'd now like us to be tested against South Africa or India and to be honest I think we'd struggle against both but for the moment lets revel in the glory and again be proud of our country in the field of sport or on the field of sport or on teh sporting field......woteva Treva......!!

What else is there? Oh of course I have a nice brisket of beef brining away in the fridge which I shall be putting into the water bath later, it's about the size of a house brick so I'd imagine it'll just stretch between the 3 of us when it's done on Sunday. I'm not sure how that news is really going to cheer you lot up but it's doing wonders for me.

I'm hoping that today my work are going to pull their fingers out and approve the 3 weeks holiday I've applied for in March. I'd be furious if they didn't and as the time goes on I have growing concern that the plane I want to be on will be full when I get to actually book it and I really want to go on one of the Airbus A-380's!!

I have though found a rather scrumptious little place to stay when I get to Melbourne. Because I'm going to need 11 nights staying somewhere other than my buddies I thought I'd much rather have somewhere a little more cosier than a hotel so I've been looking at holiday rental homes and found this little gem.

It's in a fantastic location by all accounts but unfortunately two of the nights I need have already been reserved so if I do book here it'll be a case of checking in for 4 nights here then off to a local motel for 2 nights then back here for the remainder and I'm happy to to that if it means securing the booking. After all I'll be on my own so it's not as if it'll be too much hassle. Been in contact with the owner too and she says that I can just pay her for the full 11 nights stay and she'll sort out booking the other 2 days elsewhere for me which is less of a ballache for me.

Right that really is about all I have this morning although I did stumble across this fascinating article on the BBC website listing 100 things that we learn't in 2010. Might keep you going for a bit if you're bored today.

Toodle Pippians xx

Matchsticks for my eyes please....

So the 5th Ashes test goes into it's final day but I'm not going to bore you with more cricket talk, I know it's a game that most don't really understand so pretty pointless rabbiting on about it.....I just hope it's over quickly so that I can get a good nights sleep.

So the blog today has been inspired by my new favourite TV program. It's actually a kids TV program but I just love spending time watching it with the little one and it's actually very funny too......Horrible Histories (Check it out on the iPlayer if you are a UK resident)

There's a sketch in it where someone dresses at Death himself and he has a kind of chat show called "Stupid Deaths......(Hope next time it's not yoooouuuuuuuu)". It tells stories of how famous people in history died in the most peculiar circumstances, mostly due to their own stupidity which made me think of the Darwin awards.

The Darwin awards for those that don't know are quite obviously named after Charles Darwin and they are given for people who "Do a service to Humanity by removing themselves from the gene pool" (i.e., lose the ability to reproduce either by death or sterilization in an idiotic fashion). It is of course tounge-in-cheek and no actual awards are given out but I thought I might share a few of my personal favourites with you. These ones though don't result in actual death but instead the award winner has had to continue life with the whole world knowing the stupidity that almost cost them dearly or at the very least made them a completely laughing stock.

-----------------------------------------------

(February 2001, Michigan) A 28-year-old demolition worker attempted to commit suicide by washing down nitroglycerine pills with vodka. Normally suicide is not worthy of an At-Risk Survivor, but this man's failure was exceptional. After swallowing the pills, he tried to explode the nitroglycerine by repeatedly ramming himself into a wall.

He was treated for bruises and released from the hospital... with counselling.

----------------------------------------------

(26 December 2004, Nis, Serbia) Danilo, 36, is the only known Serbian victim of the giant tsunami that devastated countries around the Indian Ocean. And he was at home in Serbia at the time. He blames television for the tragedy.
He was so shocked when he saw the tsunami footage on TV that he jumped out his apartment window. As he fell from the second floor, it occurred to him that the tsunami was not actually a threat to South Serbia, which is separated by an entire continent from the Indian Ocean. But it was too late to avoid impact: he suffered two broken legs and a damaged spine.

Recovering later from his tsunami injuries, he threatened to sue the local television station for announcing that "the tsunami is coming our way," and people should "immediately evacuate." A spokesperson for the television station said Danilo must have misunderstood the reporter's words.

---------------------------------------------------

"(November 2009, Poughkeepsie, New York) Eyewitness Account: "I was driving down the road when the car in front of me suddenly accelerated, then stopped accelerating but continued going straight as the road curved, ultimately crashing into a rail. I pulled over to help, and asked the driver what caused the crash. He told me that the Cha Cha Slide was playing on the radio and he was dancing along. When the lyrics came to "Left foot, Left stomp," he did just that, flooring the accelerator. Then it said "Freeze" and he froze, and then, "Everybody clap your hands," at which point he crashed."

---------------------------------------------------

"(June 1999, California) Last summer down on Lake Isabella, in the high desert east of Bakersfield, a woman was having trouble with her boat.
No matter how she tried, she just couldn't get her new 22-foot Bayliner to perform. It was sluggish in every maneuver, regardless of the power applied. She tried for an hour to make her boat go, but finally gave up and putted over to a nearby Marina for help.

A topside check revealed that everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outboard motor pivoted up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.

One of the Marina guys jumped in the water to check beneath the boat. He came up almost choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer."

----------------------------------------

You can find all of the submitted stories here and it's well worth a look if you have some spare time on your hands....

Wednesday wibble...

I must start off this blog by thanking secret Santa for bringing me some Truffle variations for my secret work Christmas present. The white truffle oil and the black truffles made for some rather yummy pasta last night.

Tagliatelli with Truffle is such a simple dish to make if you have the ingredients. It might seem a bit extravagant using truffles at home but you can pick up jars of black truffles quite cheaply and then enhance the beautiful, perfumey flavour that truffles give by enhancing the actual black truffles with some white truffle infused oil.

White truffle oil itself is again quite expensive (around £5 or more per bottle) but a little goes a very long way. I suppose white truffle is a bit like saffron (which in itself could be a whole blog posting) in a way because where a tiny pinch saffron strands can colour and flavour a dish far greater than you'd imagine, white truffle can do the same with taste and aroma. This will probably go some way to explain why they are so expensive, around this time last year white truffles were selling for around £8,700kg.

Why are these fungus so expensive? Well because they are only found in parts of northern Italy and a few in Croatia. Some truffle farmers use specially trained pigs to sniff them out of their woody hiding holes but in doing that they have to be careful to grab the truffle before the pig eats it. They are highly prized in gastronomy with the truffles from Piedmont taking the crown as the worlds best and being described by the famous 18th century French gastronome Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin as the "Diamond of the kitchen".

The black truffle is found more readily around Europe, mainly in France and especially in the Perigord region. It has a less powerful flavour and these two combinations make it up to 10 times cheaper than it's white counterpart. You are unlikely to find this in major supermarkets but they can be bought online so it's worth a google search to find some.

So I say the dish is simple to make and believe me it is. All you need is enough pasta (Tagliatelli - The best quality brand you can afford or are willing to pay for) for two people, White truffle Oil, Black truffles, Butter and good Parmasan cheese, don't even bother with the pre-grated and dried stuff, it's completely pointless and only serves to make your food smell of stinky rotten feet.

Cook the pasta for as long as recommended in plenty of good salted water, then in another pan melt a good knob of butter with a drizzle of the truffle oil. While this is going on take a black truffle and either grate or chop it into small pieces, turn the heat down on the butter pan and take a third of the black truffle and throw it in there too. This might get a bit of popping action going on so probably a good idea to wear an apron!!!

Drain the pasta reserving the cooking water then put all the pasta into the other pan and give it a good toss making sure it's all coated nicely in the truffle butter. It will probably look a bit dry so at this point spoon in some of the reserved pasta water to loosen it all up a bit and at the some time this will add some nice salty seasoning.

While the pasta is still in the pan grate over plenty of Parmesan (Parmigiana Reggiano is THE only proper parmesan cheese), enough for your personal taste and again toss it all around adding more of the cooking water if you think it's necessary.

Then that's it, just serve it up with a sprinkling of cracked black pepper on the top and you have a taste sensation.

In other news it was so great to be sat up watching the rather excellent 5th Ashes test match last night, not only because it's my number one favourite sport in the world or because England are for the first time in my life far superior to the Australian side but more so because of the great effort put in by everybody involved not only there in Sydney but all over the world to promote the Jane McGrath foundation.

Jane was the wife of one of Australian crickets most famous sons Glenn McGrath. She lost her battle against breast cancer around 3 years ago. Glenn and his family set up the foundation to help those in Australia with the same condition and now it has linked up with various breast cancer charities around the world to provide money for extra nurses and to raise awareness about this condition. It's really making a big difference to people lives and the support shown at the ground was just brilliant. Virtually everybody there was wearing something pink, advertising hoarding were changed to pink, the players had pink laces in their shoes and pink bat handle grips etc etc....even the ladies stand as it's normally called at the Sydney cricket ground was renamed the "Jane McGrath Stand" which was such a nice touch.





Glenn himself said he was moved by the that everybody had got involved especially the opposition who all presented him with a signed cap and shirt which could be auctioned off to raise funds and even in the game being between South Africa and India being played in Cape Town (which I have to say is another enthralling game between the two best teams in the world) a banner was bought out before the game showing support from the whole cricketing community for this fantastic cause.

Cricket is such a good arena in which to highlight these appeals and I expect we'll see one day devoted to Leukaemia charities at Lords from our very own Sir Ian Botham and why the devil not I say.

Right I'm afraid I have to end the blog as the workmen out side the office have gone straight through the cable which links our satellite dish to our server and I've got to go and fetch the repair parts......yay at least it gets me out of this office :-)

Good day mes amis xx

New for 2011

Yep the blog is back for 2011. I have a few ideas for it that might make it slightly interesting or maybe just a little more interesting than completely dull.

Firstly I wish everybody a very happy 2011 and that even counts for the idiots that enter my life whenever they are not wanted, I honestly hope that even they find happiness and contentment throughout 2011 mostly so that they can bugger off and enjoy it with other people and leave me alone :-)

To the rest I offer a hearty handshake or a comforting hug (or both) and sincerely hope that all the good you do for others is repaid ten times over.

New years resolutions for me are to completely stop any thoughts or urges to go out drinking on a school night (i.e. during the week when I have work the next day.....you knew that didn't you?) I also want to spend more time on the things in my life that give me genuine pleasure which basically means family, cooking and cricket.

So new for the 2011 blog I was going to comment on some of the lighter news stories that have caught my eye giving them my ever imaginative thoughts and of course there will be plenty about my favourite subject..........Fooooooood.

So lets have a look at some of the news that has welcomed us into 2011......

Citizens of Beebe in Arkansas were puzzled and a bit confused when around 3000 blackbirds suddenly dropped out of the sky above their heads. They seem to have put this phenomena down to fireworks that confused and disorientated the birds which roost in the area!

Perhaps the birds should have made camp more to the north east of the state over a city called Fayetteville where amongst other laws dogs may not bark after 6pm and no person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9pm.

Now what is even more spooky about this story is that approximately 100,000 fish were also found dead in a river 125 miles away from Beebe near the city of Ozark. Initially you'd think this was down to some kind of pollutant but all the dead fish were from just one species, the Drum fish and no other species was affected ?!?!

Crazy stuff you'd think but I'm pretty sure I know what happened here.......Aliens, they caused it....Oh no I've thought of something else equally as feasible, the government are just trying to cover it up. The blackbirds were spies intercepting messages from Al Qaeda who were then passing information to the fish who were actually Muslim extremists plotting an attack on the influential folk of mid west USA. They had to be stopped !!!

Peruvian villagers from Chumbivilcas have a novel way of settling old scores and entering the new year free from rivalries and hostilities towards one another....They have a punch up! Men, women and children take part in the "festival" which apparently helps to strengthen ties amongst the villagers. I wonder if there is a rule that prohibits kicking because being in Peru I'd hope that they'd only be permitted to use their "Andes".............TAXXXXXIIIIIIIIIIII.

Porn for the blind - Toronto artist Lisa J Murphy has been using thermoplastics to make a book of raised 3D images of racy pictures in a kind of Braille porn book. What a fantastic concept. Can't wait for the Readers Wives backdoor special Vol.2 to be released.......

Earthquake reported in North Yorkshire, UK 3.6 on the Richter scale....well blow me down! I had a mate who caused bigger tremours after a night out on the real ales.

I'm loving the quotes though but I thought I might make a few up of my own...

"I was so scared. Our stuffed Whippet almost fell off the mantle piece and into t'coal bucket"....Mavis 76, Bishop Monkton.

"The flying Ducks shook off t'wall and almost hit our Jack square on t'head. With his condition that might have killed t'poor bugger"....Ivy 67, Great Thirkleby.

"Eee by gum, he never? Oohh you don't say? Awful int it?"...Percy, 96 (loves Christmas), Hutton Hang.

Now this last story leads me back to the first one and utterly convinces me that my theory about government intervention is correct, this is not conspiracy theory this is factual theory and it's there for all to see.....

So to the story. Well it turns out that a group of sailors aboard the USS Enterprise (the aircraft carrier and not the spaceship used in those real life documentaries featuring Captain Kirk et al) got busy a few times and had the odd party here and there during which some female sailors where filmed pretending to wash each other in the showers.....SHOCK HORROR...."burn the witches" I hear you cry but wait for it, not only that but male sailors were also filmed dressing in drag, simulating masturbation and using anti-gay slurs.

Surely this is just what people get up to when aboard these floating cities for months on end, personally a load of blokes cooped up at sea with a load of other blokes are going to do things that expressly show the other that they are in no way looking to service each others poop decks (for want of a better phrase). Dressing as women and screaming out "Tug me off you queer" are just normal ways of showing such feelings.

As for women pretending to wash each other in a shower.....come on!!?? That's what all women do when naked and crammed into a small space together....they certainly do in my head anyway.

However..................just take a look at the picture that accompanies this story on the Reuters website...do you see what I see ?!?!

Until next time readers xxx :-) xxx